From: Benjamin D. Mabee
To: Readers
Subj: I AM A SINNER SAVED BY GRACE
1. I would like to share my testimony and how I was converted by faith from a lost sinner condemned to an eternity in Hell, to a new creature born of the Spirit by the Grace of God. I am a Christian. Jesus Christ is my Lord. This is my personal story but primarily it’s about Christ and His work in my life. To begin, there are a few questions we should all consider individually and that I will seek to answer at the conclusion.
2. What is a Christian? How would you know one? How can we know if we are one? Where would we turn too to find the answer? How could we know the answer was true? What is truth? Man since the beginning has had a desire to know and understand God. Peoples from all cultures, tongues, nations, and from all time have inquired, and wondered, “who is God?” This is the historical record. The inescapable idea that God must exist grips all and leaves none in peace. The majesty of the heavens show us the Glory of God. We see ourselves, the renewal of life on earth every season, the interconnectivity of nature, and we wonder, “what caused this?” The Cause is always greater than the effect. We see ourselves as thinking, logical, creative, and reasonable, our Cause must have been more. We see ourselves as feeling, personable, empathetic, and loving, our Cause must have been more. We see the world around us, perfectly arranged, interdependent, and beautiful, the Cause must be more than all these. From this, we can reasonably say, based on our observations there must be a Creator and a Sustainer. There must be someone who is all powerful, who has all knowledge, and who can see all things, otherwise how would this highly designed order continue? The effect demands a Cause no less than the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, Holy, and Just God of the Bible, the Lord Jesus Christ, JEHOVAH, the Great I AM. This God is true and He has placed His Law upon all the hearts of men. We can know He exists thanks to the effect He has wondrously and gloriously Caused. Only the God of the Bible could have made the Creation we see today. This is observable. This is knowable. This is why all men search for He who made them.
3. I grew up in what is commonly called a Christian home by 70% of Americans. My parents took me to Church almost every Sunday beginning when I was a child through my eventual departure to college. We attended Methodist Churches, I was “baptized” as a baby, I attended Sunday school and Sunday morning services regularly, many summers I would attend vacation Bible School, along with youth camps, and I would assist my family with volunteering efforts organized by the Church. For many Americans I think this is a common experience. It’s not unique, generally and without respect to the particular denomination, my experience is the American cultural standard by weight of the majority. The Methodists, founded by John Wesley and his Brother Charles, were once a fiery Gospel movement in the United States. Today, the largest continuing Methodist organization, and the one I grew up with, the United Methodist Church, is a shell of the movement’s former Wesleyan legacy. The United Methodist Church, has many scriptural issues. Notably, they teach heresies such as baptismal-regeneration, infant baptism, the cleansing of sins through the Eucharist or communion, and they openly endorse female and sodomite bishops. All deviations from Bible teaching and God’s created order. This environment of soft Protestantism, with exposure to soft (or new) evangelicalism (I would not refer to the United Methodist Church as evangelical), drawing from the Wesleyan tradition of Holiness (maintaining good works), was my baseline for understanding the world in which we live.
4. Competing with my Church experience was the American public school system. Due to the nature of my Father’s employment, my family and I moved several times over the course of my childhood, allowing me to experience a few public school systems in different States. At the time of writing this I am 33 years old, the time frame for my participation with public schools was from the mid-1990s through the mid-2000s. The public school system, through its Executive Branch head, the Department of Education, and by the implicit agreement of Congress through the passing of Laws that fund the Department of Education, have in effect, established Humanism as the school’s orthodox religion and have restricted the free exercise of Christianity within their jurisdiction. Congress passing laws establishing a religion and preventing the free exercise of other religions, is a violation of the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights included in the United States Constitution. I personally experienced this orthodoxy first hand as a child growing up in the system. Presupposing God and His Creation was never taught in any of the public schools I attended. Only theories that presuppose Humanism were taught. Thank the Lord, however that my family did take me to Church every Sunday, even if it was the United Methodist Church. God is sovereign. If something is true it will agree with scripture. Going to some kind of Church was enough for God to plant a seed. It was not enough to be saved.
5. No man can come to God unless the Father draws him. God draws all men. We can resist. We have a will. If we resist long enough God will pass us by. Our opportunity to receive faith will depart. Who can say it will come again? The Lord could come again, but there is no guarantee. Just as there is no guarantee that our hearts will go on beating, or our lungs will go on breathing, or our cells will go on replacing themselves. Every moment of every day is mercy from God to you and I. From the most righteous man to the most evil man, all are benefactors of God’s enduring goodness and mercy. God desires us all to repent and believe the Gospel. That is His moral will. In His sovereign will, He will be forced to cast them who do not believe into Hell. He is God. His word makes Him God. If His word were not fulfilled perfectly, He would no longer be God. Yet, even so, God loves us, He loved us while we were yet ungodly sinners. God understands His own Holiness more than all. His Holiness cannot tolerate sin to go unpunished. If sin, the violation or transgression of God’s words, were allowed to be unpunished, whatever was allowed to violate God’s words would be above God; superior to the Supreme One. Naturally, there is a need for God to be consistent with what it means to be God. This is why all sin must be punished. All sin will be punished in the eternal lake of fire, a flaming inferno of everlasting repentance and torment. Those that go there will go consciously, and will be forever sustained to suffer the unending wrath of God for their sins. There will be no escape. No time length. No second chances after crossing the vail of death. No purgatory, or other comforting lies designed to prevent you from worrying about Hell. You should worry about Hell. The natural man needs to think about death and Hell regularly. The knowledge of Hell and our eternal destiny there is critical to understanding our need for the Lord Jesus Christ. It was the growing competition between Methodist ideas of personal holiness as a means of justification before God, while also being a sinner who did sin regularly, that got the attention of my soul. This is what caused me to search for answers. God was drawing me to Him.
6. After leaving my family for college, the contradictions of my Methodist religious hypocrisy only continued to grow. Once freed from the restraining power of my parent’s, I only got worse. Parents are a force for good, they should be obeyed and honored. I began searching, I wanted to know “what is truth?” I sincerely wanted to know. Thankfully, if you seek the truth, you will find it. God Himself is the Truth. Whether you know it or not, if you seek the truth, you’re seeking God. Eventually, during my senior year, and after much looking into all kinds of different beliefs and religions, never satisfied, I came full circle back to Christianity. I realized my rebellion. Thanks to a man who geared his ministry to reaching people looking into “alternative truth.” Thank God for him, later I wrote that man a letter and shared my testimony with him, thanking him. I have a very clear memory the day I realized how Christianity was right all along and that I had been a rebel against God. I remember standing and looking out my college dorm room window across a river for what seemed like hours. Thinking and reflecting on my past, what I had done, how rotten I was, and how the Lord Jesus Christ was the only way. I still wasn’t saved. I had only acknowledged that Christianity was true. I was still in rebellion. Saving faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by the word of God. I understood that God was true, I still needed to hear the Gospel preached with power of the Holy Spirit. I still needed to repent. I still needed to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and the Gospel according to the scriptures. Maybe you had a similar experience, maybe you too realized Christianity was true and it had a powerful effect on you, maybe you thought it made you a Christian. Maybe. Make sure it’s true according to God’s word.
7. On or about the same day I came to this realization about Christianity, a good friend of mine invited me to a Christian men’s retreat at a camp ground. My friend was a part of our college local Campus Crusade for Christ (CCC) club, the event he invited me too was hosted by the club. As an aside, the same year Campus Crusade for Christ would officially change their name to “Cru,” apparently a focus group determined the word “crusade” was offensive, but peculiarly they also got rid of “Christ.” Neither their website, nor their Wikipedia page really provide much insight into the name change or its current meaning. Back to the narrative. Regardless of my thoughts about Cru, God is sovereign and can use elements of the truth anywhere. I believe it was providential that I was invited to attend this retreat right at a moment when God had gained my attention. I may have rejected the offer to attend the retreat if I had not been convinced of the truthfulness of Christianity first. I attend this retreat, it lasted a few days over a long weekend. It was men focused, with only men in attendance. The teachings dealt with several areas of my life I knew weren’t right before God. I didn’t say much that weekend, I was under heavy conviction the entire time, almost to the point of despair. I needed to go through it however, I believe God was drawing me in. The teaching generally was good. I was convicted. Yet, I still wasn’t saved. I was still in rebellion. There was no call to repentance. No call to salvation. Just teaching on sin from the Bible.
8. I leave this retreat with a new hunger to learn more about Christianity. I search the internet and come across big names like Ravi Zacharias (at that time he was not in disgrace) and Chuck Missler, both interesting, and I believe God used some of the things they said to help me, but they too were not enough, they didn’t say enough, they didn’t preach exactly what needed to be preached. Eventually, I come across a sermon called Hell of Hell by a Preacher named Reg Kelly. Hell of Hell was the first sermon I had ever heard that finally spoke the words from the Bible that I needed to hear under the power of the Holy Ghost. It was the most real message I had ever heard at that time. I knew the moment I heard it, it was all true. It all came together. Everything God had been doing in my life, it finally clicked. I was a sinner. I needed to be saved by grace. I needed to repent of my sins and believe the Gospel by faith to be saved. This is the only way. This was my opportunity. God was at my door. What was I going to do? I listened to Hell of Hell through YouTube which led me to Brother Kelly’s Sermon Audio page. From there I listened to a few more sermons, I don’t remember them all or the order which I heard them. Thankfully, most of the sermons recorded their ‘altar-call’ at the end of the message. The opportunity to respond according to what the Holy Spirit laid on you during the message. This may seem old fashion, but I thank God brother Kelly kept this in, even if he doesn’t call it an altar. Thank God for Pastors who still do altar-calls.
9. I don’t remember the exact message I responded too, unfortunately I don’t think it was Hell of Hell, but it was a message like it. When I responded to God’s call to salvation, Reg Kelly called out to the assembly at Liberty Faith Church, “raise your hand so I can know to pray for you.” I am at my parents’ home listening to this recording, by myself, and I raise my hand. I was broken before God, my body was shaking, and I couldn’t hold back tears as I am transformed from a lost sinner, to a new creature saved by grace through faith. I had heard brother Kelly preach several times about not being impressed by people who walk forward and make professions; questioning their motivations. Rather, he preached that you can get saved in your pew, it wasn’t about the act of walking forward, though its ok if you did walk forward. If you truly get saved, it likely happened before you walked forward anyway, because believing in the heart after hearing the preaching of the Gospel is all it takes. No actions on our part. Including walking. That was me. I had raised my hand, because I already believed as a result of his preaching the word of God plainly and with power. I knew I wasn’t in the service. I knew it was a recording. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t able to contain myself. It was as if I was there. I had to raise my hand. If I was there, I would have walked forward! I was saved! It was a supernatural event. There wasn’t anyone looking at me. There was no big auditorium. There was no mood lighting. There was no pressure of acceptance from other people. If anything, I had every reason to not believe. But it happened, I was there and so was the Holy Spirit (who is everywhere all the time), I believed in nothing but the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ to wash away all my sins. I knew without doubt from that moment on I was different. I had been changed and there was no going back. When God seals a soul, it’s for eternity. He is God.
10. This is my experience. There is nothing special about me. I don’t have super powers or some special communication with God above other men. I am just a sinner saved by grace. I have access to God through His revelation, the inspired and preserved word of God, the scriptures, the Bible. The Bible is where we must all go to know the answers to our questions. The Bible is the truth. While God is the Great Cause of the Universe and knowledge of that Cause is enough to believe He exists, and that He created all things, it is not enough to save souls from Hell. This only comes by hearing the special revelation of God, His Holy Bible preached plainly, foolishly even, and believing it in your heart. You must hear the word of God preached. You must believe on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ who died according to the scriptures, was buried, and rose again the third day according to the scriptures. Truly believing He did this for you as a substitute for your sins means you repent of all your sins and you’re supernaturally enabled to truthfully confess Jesus Christ your Lord.
11. A Christian will live out the true Religion, keeping himself unspotted from the world, he will be a doer of the word and not a hearer only. Christians don’t need to have their arms twisted to obey God’s word. They do it willingly and out of love. The Lord Jesus Christ paid for them with His sinless holy blood making all who believe justified by His atonement. Therefore, there is no pressure to keep the commandments to establish our own righteousness with God. We’re made righteous already thanks to His blood. This is how we know what a Christian is, a Christian will keep the commandments because he loves God. He loves God with all his heart, with all his soul, with all his mind, with all his strength, and he loves his neighbor as himself. He goes teaching and preaching to all creatures and nations the Gospel. Teaching them to observe all things Christ commanded, which is the whole counsel of God. Christians are spiritual, they have the power and mind of Christ to judge all things through the Holy Spirit. Christians are to prove all things from the Bible and hold fast to that which is good. When we received Christ, He supernaturally empowers us to become sons of God through the second birth. We’re born again unto the Last Adam, a new race of perfectly justified saints of God through faith alone in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross. This is how we know we’re a Christian. This is how I know I am a Christian. I know it because God’s record is true. I believe His record by faith.
12. I was saved on or about 28 June 2011, I mark this date because it was the date-time-stamp on a private Facebook message I sent to my friend who originally invited me to the Cru Retreat, informing him I had been saved. The actual event occurred maybe a day or two before hand, I don’t fully remember. I learned later remembering something like the day you were born again was important! By God’s providence, I got involved with Independent Baptist Churches in the summer of 2012. I was baptized by full immersion at Lighthouse Baptist Church in Lawton, Oklahoma in the spring of 2013. Post salvation the Lord has been immeasurably good to me. I am married with four children and currently training to become a Pastor and Preacher. I believe this is God’s will for my life and the life of my family. I enjoy writing and I write often. I would like to be a blessing and help to others, sharing what the Lord has allowed me to learn through writing publicly. I have permission from my Pastor, Pastor Philip Clark of West Coast Baptist Church of Oceanside, California to write here as I train for Christian ministry under the authority of the same Church, which is also my Church. I thank God for my Church and Churches like it, the local assemblies of born again believers are the Body of Christ, they are the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ, which is the Pillar and Ground of the Truth. They have received the faith from the first century and have carried it through today by the grace of God.